So I stayed over Scott’s the night of my final. We cuddled and smooched and it was certainly innocent and I’m sure darling. I finally got real attention from a boy and we all know how badly I seemed to need the validation. This was also pretty much the end of our brief stint in dating. I remember leaving the next day feeling weird, like I knew it wasn’t going to work out. I sat in my car for a while when I left and put on some God awful cheesy music that left a sinking feeling in my stomach. Well, I was 19 who can blame me. I can be pretty hard on the old me sometimes, I’ve decided to take a step back and give me this one. It’s okay to be sad when you know in your heart things aren’t going to work out.
I held onto the idea of Scott for a few weeks over vacation (don’t worry you’ll see those vague entries) but we both moved on – I reclaimed my crazy crush on Nick and Scott dated other ladies and eventually met the wonderful and beautiful Rachel.
I think his comment on this entry was the beginning of him letting me down easy. He called himself “one of the boys,” and as we know he read my journal the term “one of the boys” was reserved for the platonic boys in my life who though loved me dearly, were lost romantic causes. He also played dumb about who I was talking about, he knew it was him… he had to, right?
I love this project because while I’m talking to who I once was, I feel like she’s a total stranger. I can certainly empathize, as of course this is an experience I actually shared… with myself (who fucking meta can we get here?). More than anything we can all relate to a 19-year-old girl who is on the verge of a little heartache.
If I’m lucky I’ll get to see Scott this weekend as well as a lot of other amazing friends from UMASS. Two of our friends just got engaged, and I think they are the first ever in the history of our college improv group to tie the knot. I couldn’t be happier for them, it gives me a great bubble in my tummy.
Because I haven’t in a while, I’m responding to myself below.
All I wanted was a few hours outside of work so he could go ahead and start falling in love with me
I feel wonderful.
At that moment, I probably did.
My living room is exactly how it should be, full of family and friends and food. My friends are being funny and stupid and making me laugh till it hurts.
I was in a much healthier place this year than the previous year when I came home from New York, and a living room with my friends was certainly good for me.
Juan from Dunkin DOnuts is in love with me. He gives me free coffee and gives me the eyes. Ahhhh… if only there wasn’t that unfortunate language barrier. Last night was lovely, but I was so tired. I’m glad I got to see everyone even though it was for a little bit.
Haha, the by from Dunkin Donuts DID love me!
I was in the car with Carlton today, on one of our famous random trips and I got a call from a cute boy. I’ve been trying to play things cool, and I thought it was going to be all cool about everything… but I squeeled like a little girl.
I would assume this was Scott, but maybe not? It could have been Marriage Matt, or even Nick. Who knows? Maybe I was trying to make Scott jealous?
There is no playing it cool with me.
Well, when you say it like that it’s true.
And I get to see the boys tomorrow.
I’m talking about Nick, Dan, Shep and even Timmy.
The Boys!
AHHHH!
AHHH!
SOOOOOOO HAPPY!
I know I said I would take it easy on you, but you’re trying a little too hard here, Shannon.
Scott’s Response:
You’re beautiful and brilliant and as “one of the boys” I’m legit to say that. Who is this boy you allude to? If he doesn’t see how wonderful you are hes crazy, and well I may have to take care of the situation.
Call me tomorrow, dork.
~That wicked hot guy you know
That was nice of Scott to say I was beautiful and brilliant, but obviously he was kind of letting me down because I had literally smooched him two days before. Oh, heartache.
I Once Was.... 