I woke up on my couch this morning, and while laying there contemplating the past 24 hours and the day ahead I thought about this blog. I was sleeping on my couch because my cat peed in my bed. She’s new to us (her name is Emma) and there are all sorts of reasons she could have peed in my bed. I like to think she was punishing me for not being around as much as I should. Thank you, little blog, for not peeing in my bed even though I haven’t been around as much as I should.
When I started this project it was the idea that I would revisit the girl I once was in high school and college. For the most part that project has run its course, though occasionally I might revisit one… we’ll see what mood I’m in.
I am clearly not the girl I once was when I wrote my last post on June 15th, 2011. In that time my life has changed dramatically. I’ve lost 70 (plus) pounds, I’ve moved three times, I’ve grown as an improviser, I’ve started teaching comedy, and my boyfriend of 5 years and I ended our relationship. Oof. Big stuff, huh?
I’m a few months away from 30. Why does that number seem so heavy? Writing it drops like a dumbbell on my foot.
Here’s the thing, I’m not even what I once was yesterday – I can tell you several things that have changed from then to this morning on the couch. There was an earthquake (a minor and by no means life changing earth quake – but the earth moved). I’m still dating the same man who I’ve been for a mere two months, but we passed our break up date* something that I wasn’t so sure would happen. I went and saw the Canadian band Sloan and totally dug them. I took my coffee black – something I thought I hated but am getting used to. Look! I’m different!
It’s hard to be vulnerable. As a lady comedian I keep up my guard so often in an attempt to somehow prove myself. Doing that makes other parts of my life weaker – mainly when it comes to relationships. If all the emotions are going to be bottled up there has to be storage for them and there isn’t enough room for all the emotions of a 29 year old woman who’s “figuring it out” (as I like to tell myself). I’ve found myself crying at inopportune times and getting irrationally bitchy at things like stop lights and pencils and friends. I cried in reaction to facebook yesterday. FACEBOOK.
Enough of that already. Here I am starting a new outlet for myself exploring daily what I once was and seeing if there is anything to be learned from it.
So, Emma peed in my bed. What did I learn? I have a packed life, but I have to make time for the things that don’t seem as important but are. Let’s do this thing.
* Jokingly on one of our first dates the Dr. (what he shall be called for the purpose of this blog) invited me to see Sloan which was months away at that point. The addendum was “If you know, we’re still seeing each other.” That’s when we came up with the idea that it would be our break up date, you know, as a joke. HAHAHAHA. Ha. Heh. Ugh. Well, it came and went and it worked out. We made it and didn’t break up. I’m bad at deadlines so I haven’t counted my jelly beans as they say, but… this gentleman is teaching me new things about myself daily. That’s good. Really good.